Fun With the TSA

A pilot buddy of mine just sent me this. He said, because of his having to deal with these people every day, this was ironically funny to him. Most of us don’t deal with TSA goons often enough to have stories like this. I’m sure pilots and some frequent travelers do though. Don’t know if it’s a true story, but it sure is a funny one. Enjoy!

So it just took me 35 minutes to case clear security to get to my Vegas flight. And I was the only one in line!

DFW A Terminal

TSA: ID please.
Me: That is my ID (pointing to my PASSPORT)
TSA: Sir, where are you going?
Me: Las Vegas
TSA: Last time I checked a map, Las Vegas is in the US!
Me: And?
TSA: Well then you don’t need a passport to go there
Me: And?
TSA: So your passport is not valid ID for this trip
Me: Excuse me?
TSA: Yes, I need a government issued ID
Me: My passport is government issued, it’s issued by the government of the Netherlands, would you like me to show you where that is on a map?
TSA: That government is not recognized by the TSA. And I know that the Netherlands is in Norway. So I need to see a drivers license.
Me: The government of the Netherlands is not recognized by the TSA? That’s dissappointing, im sure my queen will be absolutely distraught to hear that an ID checker at the DFW airport is not recognizing her as a legitimate government. Its a good thing though that the TSA doesn’t set foreign policy, and that that’s left to the State Department. Have you informed Condileeza Rice that the TSA is now deciding what governments will be recognized by the US government? Are you guys the jokers that decided to regonize Kosovo as an independent state?
TSA: Condeleeza who?
Me: So my passport really isn’t going to work? And you need to see a drivers license?
TSA: Yes
Me: Well here’s the problem ( I hand him my Dutch drivers license ) see this is also issued by that government that you don’t recognize.
TSA: hmmm…. Don’t you have anything that’s issued by the government in the US?
Me: I have my greencard but the problem is, like you said Las Vegas is in the US, according to the map you just checked, the same one that told you the Netherlands is in Norway. So since I don’t need a greencard to travel to Las Vegas, my greencard won’t work either even though it was issued by the Dept of Homeland Security, the same part of the US government that the TSA is a part of.
TSA: Yes that’s true. Ok so you don’t have any valid ID for travel in the US?
Me: Apparently not, since my passport and drivers license is not recognized by the TSA and my greencard is not valid for travel within ths US.
TSA: Ok, well you can travel without ID, you’ll just need to go through additional screening.
Me: Great
TSA: I need a male assist.

Ten minutes later

TSA2: Hi sir
Me: Hi
TSA2: I’m going to go through your bags and then wand you, is that ok?
Me: Sure
TSA2: Sir what’s this? (pointing to my passport)
Me: That’s my passport
TSA2: but you told the ID screener that you don’t have IDMe: that’s right
TSA2: So you lied to him
Me: No
TSA2: No?
Me: According to his requirements I did not have ID that met his requirements for travel.
TSA2: Huh?
Me: Since I’m going to Vegas, apparently my passport is not valid for traveling there, because accoridng to his map Las Vegas is in the US and since its in the US and I don’t need a passport to travel there, my passport is not valid for travel.
TSA2: Huh?
Me: Exactly
TSA2: Ok?

There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…… Toto I don’t think we’re in Holland anymore.


4 Responses to “Fun With the TSA”

  1. 1 Linda in Lancaster and lovin' it! March 18, 2008 at 4:07 am

    OMG! That sounds so typical! TSA in PHL took away my store wrapped peanut butter in celery because it was a gel and dangerous, yet said my big scissors were OK! Another TSA agent in ONT told me I wasn’t supposed to know TSA regulations when I told him that “TSA regulations said I could. . . . .” and asked me where I heard that. I told him the regulations were posted on their website and he said that was for TSA agents only and confidential!!

  2. 2 Fiscal Musings March 18, 2008 at 7:01 am

    I can’t believe these are the people protecting our air travel and national security. Simply astonishing.

  3. 3 Raspberry March 21, 2008 at 3:44 pm

    I was laughing at your post, but Linda’s stories just make me shake my head… Who are these people?!

  4. 4 1wmcaw March 23, 2008 at 3:47 pm

    Linda – When did peanut butter become a gel? Did I miss something in high school science? Was I sleeping? These people are geniuses.

    No wonder I hate flying. They poured out half a sippy cup of water that was in my diaper bag when I was traveling by myself with my then 1 year old son. Because, as we all know, tasteless, odorless water is highly explosive 😦 I at least got them to let me keep the empty cup, and refilled it at the fountain 2 ft. from the scanner. He watched me do it. I made a big show of filling it up and letting my son take a drink. If it had just had some harmful fluid in it, I highly doubt I would have let him drink out of it, right?


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